Random Musings About Life

My Parents went with me, the day of 'the event'. We spoke with the Vet and I made the decision to move ahead with putting Ranger to sleep. I was shone a brochure for urns since I opted for cremation. I was asked if I wanted to be there. This had been his Vet for 3 years. We had talked about this day for several years and each time I’d cry but say I wouldn’t let Ranger suffer. I plunked down wads of money, without comment. To any rational person, it was apparent how much I loved Ranger. Of course, I wanted to be there. I was advised to go pay. One usually pays on the way out, but this made complete sense since I knew I'd just want to get out the door after it happened. I left the room to pay. When I walked back in - my parents were sort of holding Ranger 'steady'. He was standing on the floor, but wobbly. They said the Vet had said to watch him as he'd be getting sleepy - the Vet had already given him the shot of anesthesia - while I was out of the room....

Just over 6 years ago, (6/12/2014) a squirming little puppy came into this world. Six weeks later, he rode ‘home’ in my lap. He was so tiny, he fit into my palm and wrist and anyone that knows me, knows I have small hands. As a puppy, I recall a few things. How cute he was with his floppy ears, how inquisitive he was, (I never saw a dog that had to have his nose in everything I did as if he was trying to discern what it was or what I was doing, how intelligent and fast he learned, his interesting vocalizations, (he’s vocal more than he barks) – and his stubbornness. As I shared space with this little body with a huge soul for the next 6 years, I came to realize he was like no other dog I’d ever had – as my own – or as the family dog. Ranger was both sweet tempered and extremely strong willed. He did not like being told ‘no’ and he made that abundantly clear in numerous ways. We learned how to peacefully co-exist though. I learned to respect his space and for his part, he at least ...

There are some things, I don't understand.   I TRY, but lately it seems like the whole world is imploding and the only thing I feel is a deep aching sadness.   A few friends have reached out to me (thank you for checking on me) and instead of being able to lean upon anyone – I feel like I’m digging further and further under my rock – or - under the weight – of the world.   Over the last week(+) – I’ve read news articles, I’ve watched video clips, I’ve read memes and my friends ‘personal opinions’ – and I’ve cried more than anyone knows. I am a highly sensitive individual.   I am empathic.   If you don’t know what it means to be empathic, in a nut-shell - The trademark of an empath is feeling and absorbing other people’s emotions and, or, physical symptoms. I feel EVERYTHING and I feel it on a level few people can ever feel or even comprehend.   So, I’ve cried, I’ve had ‘stomach issues’, my sadness and anxiety are through the roof.   ...

As I dated over the last few years, I was frequently asked, why are you still single? I found it an interesting question but had difficulty in giving an honest answer to many of the men who sat before me as a potential ‘partner’ – or when ‘rejected – my ‘real reason’ for rejecting them as a potential mate. The simple truth was – I was single because it was preferable to be single than to be with ‘just anyone’ or to be with the wrong person. I was dating because I hoped eve ntually I’d find the right person. I could write a book on some of my dating experiences. It was a wealth of things. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was frustrating or sad. At other times if felt hopeless. And a time or two, it was even a little scary. What I mostly ‘saw’ in the single world were mainly 7 types of men (I’m talking men because I didn’t date women but I’d wager the same is likely true of women). 1. Those who had a serious disrespect for women and were anything but gentleman. They had n...

Yesterday I had breakfast with some friends at a local restaurant before we went motorycycle riding. I excused myself from our table to use the restroom.  As I was returning to our table, passing a lone women of about age 75 seated alone, she loudly exlaimed, "Excuse Me". With all of the respect, I was taught for my elders, I literally stopped dead in my tracks, saying, "Yes"? Without missing a beat, she said, "You have a beautiful butt"! OMG. I was flabbergasted!  I didn't know how to respond so I choked out a laugh and said, "Oh my God.  Um, well - thank you." But of course the deep thinker in me pondered such a surprising comment as well as my reaction.  If that had been a man saying it to me, I likely would have been insulted at his audacity and forwardness, rather than being merely astonished.  Isn't that, then a double-standard?

It seems to me, many people think “falling in love” and “love” are the same thing. I disagree. I believe they are two different experiences. Falling in love is a feeling. It happens more frequently and easily than love. It is infatuation, passion and attraction. The feelings are powerful, even bordering on obsession. This is why the beginning of most relationships are very intense. A person can feel high and if it breaks apart at this point they can feel a sense of withdrawal similar to an addict needing a fix. It simply – hurts. There is a scientific basis for the experience. It’s been proven certain feel good and bonding endorphins like dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, oxytocin (and others) fire when we fall in love and when we ‘make-love’. Whether “falling in love” eventually translates into “love” remains to be seen, but this experience cannot be discounted. It is very real and powerful and many times it is the launching-pad for a relationship to deepen into lo...

I’ve been repeatedly asked: What happened? And were you wearing a helmet? I understand it is normal curiosity for people to ask ‘what happened’. Maybe it’s even a desire to ‘learn’ so others don’t make the same mistakes. I’ve done it myself, it’s a natural question. But I’ve also learned another valuable lesson now from personal experience. If someone wants to talk about something, they will. If they aren’t mentioning it, it’s likely because it is too traumatic – be kind. Don’t bring it up. Yes, but what happened? For some people, talking through “what happened” helps them heal. It’s a valid choice. But not everyone is the same. Some people don’t want to talk about what happened. For them, healing comes best through leaving the incident behind and focusing their thoughts forward. But what happened? In my case, I fall into the latter category. Here’s the thing. I don’t fully remember all of what happened. I’ve tried to. I had no choice other than to talk to medical person...