What Happened ?

I’ve been repeatedly asked: What happened? And were you wearing a helmet?

I understand it is normal curiosity for people to ask ‘what happened’. Maybe it’s even a desire to ‘learn’ so others don’t make the same mistakes. I’ve done it myself, it’s a natural question. But I’ve also learned another valuable lesson now from personal experience. If someone wants to talk about something, they will. If they aren’t mentioning it, it’s likely because it is too traumatic – be kind. Don’t bring it up.

Yes, but what happened? For some people, talking through “what happened” helps them heal. It’s a valid choice. But not everyone is the same. Some people don’t want to talk about what happened. For them, healing comes best through leaving the incident behind and focusing their thoughts forward.

But what happened? In my case, I fall into the latter category. Here’s the thing. I don’t fully remember all of what happened. I’ve tried to. I had no choice other than to talk to medical personnel, the police and my insurance company about what happened – but – part of it is just - gone. I can’t fully remember. It may be my brain trying to protect me.

So, what happened? Let me tell you this, looking straight into the eyes of the grim reaper and thinking you are going to die isn’t a feeling I want to continually revisit, yet each time I am asked “what happened”, that is exactly - what happens – I am propelled back to the scene of the accident with the horrific images replaying in my head. Let me let you in on a little secret – this hard a** biker chick cries like a baby each time someone says two words – what happened. Please don’t make me cry any more. I don’t want to think about it. Do the details really matter?

WARNING TRIGGER ALERT – GRAFFIC:

Yes Sam, but what happened? I collided with a vehicle in my path. I had merely a split second to react, not enough time to avoid it. It was one of the scariest events I ever experienced. I’m not being dramatic when I say I thought I was definitely going to die, especially when I felt my head thud on the ground and blood was pouring out and dripping in my eyes.

All I wanted in that moment was to get to my phone….I had to make a call. Doesn’t’ matter who – but I had to call, had to hear that voice one more time, maybe for the last time … that’s ‘what happened’… and they kept trying to make me sit but I was determined to get to my phone, they handed me my iPod, thought I was confused, but I was screaming, “No, no, I need my phone, not my iPod.” … So, I don’t want to keep reliving that horror each time yet another person asks me ‘what happened’? I don’t want to think about thinking that I might be hearing certain voices for the last time. I don’t want to think of blood in my eyes and the terror I felt.

I was not wearing a helmet. I never wore one, unless I was in a state that requires it. Helmets are hot and the weight puts pressure on my ‘bobble head’ neck. But, I now regret that decision and here is why. A helmet would have taken the blow my head took. I was darn lucky I did not have a brain bleed. I am however still suffering dizziness as an after effect of the concussion. My neck and back hurt like h*ll and I have the biggest, darkest bruise I’ve ever seen in my life which literally covers half my thigh. I have scrapes and bruises all over my body.

I am now sporting a very strange haircut. I have a spot on the top of my head that is about a 3” square. Measure that on your head, yeah, not pretty. They had to cut my hair back to the scalp in order to see what needed stitches. It isn’t pretty and I am still vane so that makes me sad too, but I cracked my head to the skull. There was no choice. I’m lucky I am here.

Wearing a helmet is a personal choice – I know many people who don’t. I respect your choice, but I wish you would reconsider.

Yes but what happened? I had the opportunity to look the grim reaper straight-on in his cold, dark, vacant, staring eyes. He said, “Come with me” in a voice that chilled me to the bone. And I replied, “F You. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve things to do and things I just began that I want to see through, I have friends and family that love me. I have a great job and an amazing boss. My life is just beginning to get really good. I’ve just gotten everything on track. I have roads to ride, adventures to take and places to explore. I am not ready and I am not going anywhere with you. How about you come back in 40 years or so.”

And you want to talk about being bada** - he listened. I told the grim reaper to F-off.

And that folks, is - what happened.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wanderlust and Redwoods

Image
I was never very athletic; but I am definitely an outdoors girl.  I love being in nature.  It speaks to my soul in a way that is difficult to explain.  I have always had a restless spirit and an innate need to travel and explore outdoor places.  They call it Wanderlust and it started for me as a child.  Tonawanda Creek, Clarence NY We moved a lot – but no matter where I lived, (even in the city), I always found an area of vacant land that I would visit frequently.  I felt happiest in those places.  They were calm and quiet, unlike the chaos that frequently invaded my home.  Perhaps it being my escape is what has made it such a deep-seated part of who I am today. I love finding alpine meadows like I did in Glacier National Park in Montana, so high up in the mountains that they were infrequently visited by humans. Glacier National Park, Montana Seeing the dessert bloom with wildflowers – not just in pictures ...
Read more

Women and the Impossible "Beauty Standard"

I have commented before on the disservice I believe society does to women - in particular. (It does a different disservice to men in my opinion, which is not the subject of this post). I’m talking about beauty standards. Little girls tend to hear compliments like, “oh isn’t she pretty rather than isn’t she clever”. Our society places a high priority on youth and beauty especially for women - and though I too appreciate beauty (and some days I long for youth), I still believe too much pressure is placed upon women – who then try to hold themselves to a beauty standard they can never attain – and in some cases, it negatively affects their self-worth. We hear of boys in school rating girls on whether they make the ‘hot or not list’. We see stars ‘splashed across our TV or computer screens or in magazines or up on billboards or on buses or – etc. (albeit this is after they’ve probably spent a TON on professionals to do their hair and make-up). I have also seen on various social media s...
Read more

TEMPEST TWINS: THE TALE OF TWO STORMS

Image
CHAPTER 1 – IT’S VACATION – IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A TIME TO RELAX!   Traveling by RV is wonderful. You have your own bed, a place to cook, and a space to relax. However, it involves more work than most people realize. In a hotel, you pack clothes and toiletries, and the room is cleaned by staff. You eat at restaurants and return home with dirty laundry and a suitcase to unpack. With an RV, you handle all these tasks yourself, plus meal planning and preparation. Our travel/RV only has a microwave, so we often precook meals before leaving on our trip, freeze them, and heat them up later. The trip to Missouri/Arkansas was no exception.  The beds in our travel/RV are small, so we sleep in two of them. Upon return, we wash the sheets and bedding for both beds, along with the towels and other linens, rugs and clothing. The travel/RV is emptied of clothes, medicines, electronics, and other items that need to go back into our full-time homes. Once emptied, the travel/RV is cleaned, rest...
Read more