Random Musings About Life

Yesterday I had breakfast with some friends at a local restaurant before we went motorycycle riding. I excused myself from our table to use the restroom.  As I was returning to our table, passing a lone women of about age 75 seated alone, she loudly exlaimed, "Excuse Me". With all of the respect, I was taught for my elders, I literally stopped dead in my tracks, saying, "Yes"? Without missing a beat, she said, "You have a beautiful butt"! OMG. I was flabbergasted!  I didn't know how to respond so I choked out a laugh and said, "Oh my God.  Um, well - thank you." But of course the deep thinker in me pondered such a surprising comment as well as my reaction.  If that had been a man saying it to me, I likely would have been insulted at his audacity and forwardness, rather than being merely astonished.  Isn't that, then a double-standard?

It seems to me, many people think “falling in love” and “love” are the same thing. I disagree. I believe they are two different experiences. Falling in love is a feeling. It happens more frequently and easily than love. It is infatuation, passion and attraction. The feelings are powerful, even bordering on obsession. This is why the beginning of most relationships are very intense. A person can feel high and if it breaks apart at this point they can feel a sense of withdrawal similar to an addict needing a fix. It simply – hurts. There is a scientific basis for the experience. It’s been proven certain feel good and bonding endorphins like dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, oxytocin (and others) fire when we fall in love and when we ‘make-love’. Whether “falling in love” eventually translates into “love” remains to be seen, but this experience cannot be discounted. It is very real and powerful and many times it is the launching-pad for a relationship to deepen into lo...

I’ve been repeatedly asked: What happened? And were you wearing a helmet? I understand it is normal curiosity for people to ask ‘what happened’. Maybe it’s even a desire to ‘learn’ so others don’t make the same mistakes. I’ve done it myself, it’s a natural question. But I’ve also learned another valuable lesson now from personal experience. If someone wants to talk about something, they will. If they aren’t mentioning it, it’s likely because it is too traumatic – be kind. Don’t bring it up. Yes, but what happened? For some people, talking through “what happened” helps them heal. It’s a valid choice. But not everyone is the same. Some people don’t want to talk about what happened. For them, healing comes best through leaving the incident behind and focusing their thoughts forward. But what happened? In my case, I fall into the latter category. Here’s the thing. I don’t fully remember all of what happened. I’ve tried to. I had no choice other than to talk to medical person...

On February 24th, 2019.  I had a brush with the grim reaper when I wrecked my motorcycle. I’ve been asked these questions: Will you ride again or why won’t you give up riding after this happened? Silvia – my bike – has been ‘totaled’ by the insurance company. The damage is just too extensive. It chilled me to the bone when just yesterday I was finally able to view the extent of the damage. The fact I ‘walked away’ – well OK I was in an ambulance - but it still gives me pause. My ‘faith’ is more spirituality based than any specific religion – but I must have had some sort of angels or presence with me – is all I’m saying. It wasn’t my time to go. People ‘go down’ on bikes all the time. There isn’t one of us in the community that hasn’t been down or known someone that has gone down. What happened to me could have happened to anyone. Those of us who ride know the risks, but we feel the reward is worth it. For some it is difficult to understand the passion we have...

I had an interesting conversation yesterday regarding “short women’s” preference for taller men and the frustration it ‘gives’ some of our shorter stature brothers. As is the case with many things in life, I tend to over-analyze and I can make connections between seemingly unrelated topics – for my 'rider' friends, bear with me because - THIS connects to riding! Recently I was asked by a 6'2” man if I (at a mere 5’0”) prefer tall or short men to which I responded, I prefer awesome men. So, what is one trait (to me) that makes a man ‘awesome’ or less so -- simply put – his riding skills – or – his lack of them. As a woman who is passionate – some may say addicted - to riding, it is important to me to always be improving my skills and to understand the dynamics of riding alone vs riding in a group. When a man has great riding skills; THAT - in my opinion - is sexy as hell. When I ride with a new group of people, I tend to hang in back to watch. I ‘find’ those whose...

Sometimes you meet a person and so much lines up, but not everything.   You’re in two different places and as much as you may want to walk a path with that person, it isn’t possible for whatever reason.    There are some who will try to convince the other, bend them to their will because they want it so much.  But such action is futile and it isn’t love.  It is more like obsession.    You can't control other people and you can't make them feel what you feel. With people, you can like them, care about them, hell you can love them for that matter - and if you really do love them, then what you want is what is best for them and what is best for each person is for them to be exactly who they are.  That is real love.  Love is not possession - it's about wanting the best for another person, even if that means seeing them walk a path that doesn’t parallel yours!

On more than one occasion, I've been asked, “Why are you still single”?  As though being single is an affliction or a disease.  I am not still single.  I have had relationships, lovers and more than one husband.  No, I am not still single.  I am simply, single. Living alone – making my own choices without having to consult anyone or having to think whether the choice is good for the relationship, never mind whether it’s good for me gave me an opportunity to be selfish, to point my focus completely inward, to do ‘my work’, to understand myself and what it means to be a good partner and to have a healthy relationship.  I’ve spent several years in this mode and now, when I am ready for a relationship, when I am a partner worth having, I have found, it still doesn’t guarantee I’ll find the right man.  Why am I still single?   Because I know my worth.  I know what I need and want and what I am willing and able to give in a rela...