Why Am I (Still) Single?

On more than one occasion, I've been asked, “Why are you still single”?  As though being single is an affliction or a disease.  I am not still single.  I have had relationships, lovers and more than one husband.  No, I am not still single.  I am simply, single.

Living alone – making my own choices without having to consult anyone or having to think whether the choice is good for the relationship, never mind whether it’s good for me gave me an opportunity to be selfish, to point my focus completely inward, to do ‘my work’, to understand myself and what it means to be a good partner and to have a healthy relationship.  I’ve spent several years in this mode and now, when I am ready for a relationship, when I am a partner worth having, I have found, it still doesn’t guarantee I’ll find the right man. 

Why am I still single?  

Because I know my worth.  I know what I need and want and what I am willing and able to give in a relationship.  Being alone is no longer scary.  I’m not afraid to be alone, even if that means spending the remainder of my life single.

It is not my preference to go through life alone; but, it is my preference not to be paired with the wrong partner.  Having let go of fear has been a freeing experience.  It allows me to walk away from that which doesn’t serve.  Singledom isn’t a disease to be cured.

Why am I still single? 

Give me a man I can trust, a man who is consistent, a man I can depend upon, a man who is strong, but not over bearing.  Give me a man who treats me as an equal and who knows himself.  Give me a man that wants to build a life with one woman and who is faithful.  Give me a man who understands relationships aren’t 50/50, they are 100/100.  Give me a man who knows healthy relationships are between two whole individuals, each on their own path but coming together in love and support of each other’s life goals.  Give me commitment.

Give me a man free of addiction, who grasps that in some things moderation (i.e. alcohol, gambling) is key while in others, complete abstinence (i.e. drugs) is the only choice.  Give me a man with self-control.  Give me stability.

Give me a man with similar values and beliefs, a man who cherishes my intellect and strives to understand me, a man that serves me a dish of honesty, with a side of love.  Give me a man of intelligence, a man that can communicate. 

Give me connection and depth.  Give me a man who desires to arouse not just my body but wants to plumb the depths of my soul, a man that seeks to know all my nuances intimately; a man who wants to peel back each layer like an onion.  Give me a man that knows the brain is the biggest sex-organ and that foreplay is ongoing.  Give me a man that wants to date me – for the rest of his life. 

Give me a man whose mind and body I am attracted to, a man that desires to know and lean into my curves as intimately as he knows his favorite motorcycle backroad.  Give me a man who wants to play my body like a well-worn, much cherished lovers fiddle.  Give me a man who never makes me guess how he feels about me.

Give me a man that can be vulnerable, a man who will tell me his hopes, his dreams, his fears.  Give me true intimacy, not lukewarm, shallow, mediocracy.  Give me a man who can match my depth, my intensity, my passion for life and my joy in living, a man who is emotionally available.

Give me this man and I will give him not only my heart, but my love, my body, my soul and all of these things in return – without measure.  Give me that man and I will no longer be asked, “Why are you still single” – as though it is an affliction that must be cured.